remind me not to fiddle with my towel...

this was just too funny not to pass along.
at least this guy had the decency to wait until his wife was at a funeral! and what's with the dog?!

slacker

yeah, i know, i haven't updated in a while. i'm a slacker. really, i am. i'm intrinsically very lazy. but ironically, i think that's why i am motivated to work hard. i'll explain.
let's take work, for example. i don't like working. i got into the IT field because 1) it makes pretty good money, and 2) i don't absolutely hate it. although i could think of a bzillion things i'd rather do, i bust my ass here to do as good a job as possible. that way, i'll earn promotions and make more money. the more money i make, the more i can stuff into my retirement account. ahhhh, retirement. that's what i dream about every day. not having to come to work. i don't want to work until i'm 65. or 60. i'd retire today if i had the money. and i sure as hell wouldn't be one of those retirees that take a job handing out carts at walmart because they're bored! no way. i'd get up in the morning (or afternoon?!), and if i want to sit on the couch all day, then by golly, i'll sit. if i want to run for a while, i'll run. to summarize, i work hard in my career so that i can quit my career sooner. crazy? yeah probably...
so what about training? well i actually enjoy most of that. to a point, anyway. if i had more time, i think that i would enjoy training to the point where i could become a midpack IM finisher. if i ever had to train to finish an IM in say 10 hours, that would be too much, and would feel like work. and we can't have that. one of the reasons i like to do a long sunday run or bike is that it gives me justification to take monday off and be lazy. do a killer workout wednesday? sure, take thursday off and eat doritos. you've earned it!
for me, it's all about work and reward. but at least i'm willing to do the work first.
i have to do a tough workout tonite. see, andrew and nathan have a soccer tournament this weekend, and we'll be gone until sunday nite. i'm sure we won't eat well, and i don't want to feel guilty about not running all weekend. and i won't. spoken like a true slacker.

small victories

i am probably one of the most competitive people anywhere. i HATE to lose. at anything. i mean, i've never really played tennis, but if andre agassi called me up and wanted to play a match with me, i'd still be pissed off when i lost. this is why i don't play softball or bowl anymore. but for some reason, running and triathlon are different. i can accept my place in these events. the only expectations i have for myself are 1) have fun, 2) don't get seriously injured, and 3) don't finish last. anything but last is OK. 300th out of 400 in a road race? cool. good job. 1826th out of 2100 in an ironman? wonderful. couldn't be better. finishing 1-2 in a soccer tournament? oh.my.god. no way. (insert expletive-laden tirade here). you get the idea.
on saturday, i ran the 10k loop again. it's all country roads here, and there is never a shortage of interesting smells and roadkill. while running i remembered some of you discussing roadkill and your disdain for it. i realized that i have a different perspective. i mean, it's obvious that flattened squirrel just didn't have what it takes to finish the course. rabbit with the squished head? nope. you lose. what was that, a cat? oh well, i'm demonstrating my superiority over you too. see, on the other hand, I'M going all the way. the order of finish:

1) me
2) flattened squirrel, squished rabbit, cat(?)

as you can see, i wasn't last. it's little victories like this that keep me going. (aren't you glad you're not my psychologist??)
i'm happy to announce that saturday's run was devoid of any storms. thanks to those that offered their encouragement and support on my previous battle with the elements. but while there wasn't any lightning, those of you that live in the midwest can attest to the fact that it suddenly became january again! it was FREEZING. have i mentioned before how much i enjoy the cold? i mean, wasn't it like 80 degrees a couple of days ago? i walked outside, saw my breath, then got blown over by the 25mph winds. wtf? are you kidding me? the weatherman had said it was going to be really cold, but since i'm a stubborn bastard, i refused to believe it, and now found myself standing outside in shorts and a tshirt with wind chill in the teens. i went back inside and put a sweatshirt on, but refused to wear sweats. anyway, off i went. now, the 25mph winds were coming out of the northwest, and the first mile or so of my run was directly into the wind. this was not the most pleasant experience i have ever had. my face and hands were well past numb. strangely, my underdressed legs were not chilled at all. a 90 degree turn to the south helped out alot, as now the wind was pretty much at my back. this and another turn east were wonderful, until i came to the final turn north. the last two miles are pretty much all uphill, and now were also pretty much directly into the wind. some of my thoughts:

why am i doing this?
i don't even have a race planned!
would it be easier if i ran backwards? nope. yeah, i tried it. go ahead and laugh.
if i was in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light, and i turned the headlights on, would they do anything? (i told you my mind tends to wander sometimes when i run...)

i actually found myself giggling during these last two miles at the silliness of having to brave this ridiculous temperature, winds, and go uphill all at the same time. at least i think i was giggling. my face wasn't actually capable of moving.
a more normal 4 mile run happened yesterday. it was warmer. nothing really spectacular happened. and i was pretty happy about that!

ridin' the storm out

it's no secret that i've been slacking a little. uuuh, well, ok - alot. i'd kill to have the inner drive (or good fortune) of someone like wil. unfortunately, with family in town this past weekend and my kids' activities ramping up to full speed, it's becoming more and more challenging to find any reasonable time to run. but after contemplating wil, and her insane-o'clock morning runs and workouts, i decided that i needed to run - even if was at an unreasonable time.
last nite, after returning from andrew and nathan's soccer practice, eating dinner at a stupid-late hour, getting the kids showered and in bed, my wife came home from her class. we watched a movie and went to bed. it was almost midnight. as i got ready for bed, i proposed to myself two options:
1) run now, and don't get to bed until after 1:00, or
2) get up at insane-o'clock and run before work
either of these certainly qualifies as unreasonable. i chose option 1. i knew that there was absolutely no possible way that i would have gotten up to run when my alarm rang at 4:30 (sorry wil!) so i got dressed and went out. when i got outside and felt the stiff it's-going-to-pour-rain-at-any-moment wind in my face, i remembered the less than encouraging weather forecast, which called for heavy thunderstorms throughout the nite. hmmm. screw it. i ran anyway. now i hadn't really thought about how far i was going to go. i just headed toward state line road (which really is the border between indiana and illinois) and figured i'd make a decision then. i got to state line road and made a left. making a left there means that i'm going to do a particular loop, which happens to run for exactly 6.2 miles. a built in 10k - how cool! i hadn't really planned on running that long, but i felt pretty good, so i just kept going. the end of state line road represents approximately halfway, and is also the furthest point from home on the loop. i was still feeling good. here's the splits:
mile 1 (flat): 8:45 - uncomfortable, as usual.
mile 2 (flat): 8:30 - getting into a rhythm. noticing ominous rumbling somewhere far off...
mile 3 (2 big uphills, 1 big downhill): 10:15 - hitting "cruise control". rumbling getting much louder.
now, as amy has so eloquently stated, if there is any possibility of getting rained or dumped on, it will happen when you are furthest from home. and that's exactly what happened. the skies opened up and punished me worse than a boy attempting to escape from neverland. and the LIGHTNING! wow! eek! duck! then wind!
i started running faster, to try to get to the wooded area of the course, about a mile further.
i've gotta go now. we have cows!
fortunately, it settled down quickly. by the time i reached the end of mile four, the lightning subsided, the wind died down, and the rain was now a rather pleasant light shower. the rest of the run was quite enjoyable, and i'm glad i chose to do the full 6.2 miles. here's the rest of the run splits:
mile 4 (constant slight downhill): 7:55 - it's amazing how fast you can run when in a massive lightning storm and YOU are the tallest thing around!!!
mile 5 (small downhill, small uphill): 10:30 - paying for mile 4.
mile 6 (all uphill): 10:35
total time for the 6.2: 58:30.
not bad, i guess, for a relatively hilly and stormy 10k. i'm not sure if my shoes will ever dry out, though!

reflections

before we were married, my wife and i often discussed having children. she wanted several, but i said i would be content with just one. one always seemed easier. no fighting, no arguing, etc... unfortunately, considering that she had multiple reproductive issues (endometriosis, etc.), her doctor told us that having any children at all would be extremely difficult (although eventually we would prove him wrong!) so after we were married, she was put on fertility pills, and whaddya know, after a month or so, she was pregnant.
about 12 weeks into the pregnancy came that fateful night... about 1AM she started bleeding profusely, and we found ourselves in the emergency room. after being stabilized until morning, an OB nurse came in do an ultrasound to prove what we had feared: she had lost the baby. now, neither my wife nor i had ever seen an ultrasound, so we had no idea what we were looking at. the nurse spent a couple of minutes probing around, as we nervously waited. then she spoke:

"is there a history of twins in the family?"

"wh-what? no, there's no twins in either of our families"

"well there is now!"

the emotions of going from thinking you had one baby, to no baby, to two babies - all in a matter of hours, was unbelievable. her doctor thinks that she originally had triplets, and that one of them was not doing well. apparently, the mother's body can sense this and aborts the dying one so that it won't unintentionally kill the others. amazing.
the rest of her pregnancy went as well as could be expected from a 5'1", 100lb mother carrying twins. and after 35 weeks and more stomach stretching than my wife would like to remember, the call came:

"i just tripped over the cat. now i think i'm in labor!"

after pausing a moment to pity the poor cat, we were off to the hospital. eight hours later, andrew was the first to emerge. he cried for a second, the nurse plopped him on my wife's still-pregnant belly, we smiled and cried, and they took him away to do.... whatever it is they do with healthy newborn babies. nathan was next. he came out, and... nothing. no kicking, no crying, no breathing! suddenly this joyous occasion was turning into a nightmare. no plopping on the belly, no smiling, but definitely some crying as the nurse rushed him over to the doctor where they began resuscitation and to do.. whatever it is they do with non-breathing newborn babies. a short while later, we heard the glorious cries of our second newborn baby boy. although relieved, my wife and i were still shaken and concerned about the incident. the doctor, a backwoods country guy who also raises pigs (no kidding), came over and assured us.

"sometimes you just gotta kick-start 'em"

i swear that's exactly what he said. i remember it like it was yesterday. well, it wasn't quite yesterday. but it was exactly eleven years ago today. it's amazing how the time goes by so fast. for those of you with infants, i know you've heard it all before, but i'll tell you again: appreciate these times. before you know it, they'll be gone. and soon they'll be riding a bike, going to school, and maybe even kicking the pants off of you in a 5-mile race! although my desire to have only one child lasted all of 8 minutes, i wouldn't want it any other way. i feel blessed for every moment i can spend with any of my (now, 4) children.

anyway, happy birthday andrew and nathan - this day's for you.

new directions

i'm starting to think i may need to enhance my blogging resume with some new skills. professional writers (TGK, robo-stu, playboy joel) and graphic artists (rett, flabbyironman, mr. iron wil) are starting to dominate this market! besides, if this pope gig doesn't pan out, i'll need something to fall back on. that, and with the paternity payments which i'm sure britney is going to make me pay, i could use the extra income.
on to other things... i didn't get out to run last nite, as it became My Parents Are Coming In Tomorrow So We Have To Run Around Like Headless Chickens And Clean The Whole House night. it was after midnight(and two hours after soccermom fell asleep, i might add...) when i finished. i think it was actually a harder workout than the 4-mile run i was going to do.
anyway, with the family in town this weekend, i'm not sure what i'll be able to accomplish workout-wise. we'll see...

thanks, more bragging, but no snow

thanks everyone for all the kind words, especially those directed toward andrew and nathan. andrew's a trooper, and doesn't let a little thing like vomiting during a 5-mile run ruin his 5th place 15-and-under age group finish. and yes, his natural position in soccer is midfield. nathan (6th in the U-15 AG), while perhaps not blessed with the same level of natural athletic ability as andrew, has a never-say-die attitude. he always gives 100 percent. at 10 years old, he and andrew were the youngest male competitors and finished 56th and 69th overall.
OK, i'm done bragging on my kids -- for now!
i had planned for a 3 or 4 mile run last nite, but the weather was not cooperative. we had thunderstorms practically all nite, and while i will run in the rain, i'm not sure running through open cornfields on the indiana-illinois border during lightning is the wisest idea. so i stayed home. it's supposed to clear up today, so i'll make up for it tonite. i can't really complain, though. at least i'm not having to shovel snow, like flabbyironman! dude, i'm sure you know about my hatred for cold weather, so i really feel for ya. i hope it's clearing up!
anyway, thanks again everyone. it's so nice to have a community of people like this for motivation and support.

the king is dead!

and buried. at least it was a quick kill at the swamp stomp on saturday. since the official results are not yet posted (thank god), i'd estimate there were about 200 people in the race. at the start, nathan was directly in front of me, and andrew was about 10 feet ahead of us. that was the last i saw of andrew.

on your mark
get set
go!

where's andrew? nathan skirted around some "slower" runners and was gone. i saw him about 1/2 mile later, about 100 yards ahead of me. that was the last i saw of nathan.
i'd never done any trail running, and it's alot different than road running. usually, i get to a point where i'm kinda like on cruise control. the legs do their thing, and the mind wanders about. not so on trail running. with mud, roots, railroad ties, rocks, etc.. you have to pay attention to every foot placement. i could never get "in the zone." the first two miles were pretty easy. most of that involved the roads around the park, and a stretch around a lake. then came the trails. at the start of mile three, we were introduced to what the locals here call "Mt. Breathless". you can't really run up this thing. it's practically straight up. many people were using small trees to pull their way to the top. those last three miles were all on these trails, and included lots of hills similar to this, including another foray up Mt. Breathless in mile five. so this certainly wasn't your typical five mile run. but it was a blast.
i actually didn't do too bad. aside from a 5-minute spell when i walked with darrin's daughter who was having stomach issues, and the two hikes up Mt. Breathless, i ran the whole way at a pretty consistent pace. consistently slow, but consistent nonetheless.
the unofficial results are:

andrew: 44:30
nathan: 46:00
me: 53:00

yeah, that's right. andrew beat me by nine minutes. and this includes when he walked for five minutes after having a coughing fit and vomiting. now, before anyone gets alarmed, he is still suffering the late stages of pertussis (also known as whooping cough - yes, he's had the vaccine, but recent research is showing that the current vaccine may not be sufficient). this is a "normal" symptom of pertussis, and unfortunately, he's somewhat used to it. vomiting is also a normal reaction. then he just needs a couple of minutes to catch his breath, and he's as good as new. according to one of the course volunteers who was talking to us after the race, he was in the top ten overall at mile three! geez... heck, i wasn't in the top ten at yard three! anyway, i'm glad they did such a great job. i'm so proud of both of them.
the twins capped off the weekend by going to indy yesterday and winning their soccer game 3-2. andrew scored our 3rd goal.
all in all, we had a very successful weekend. even though i had to give up my throne, i couldn't think of any more worthy successors. and besides, i can still take 'em at soccer!

it's the end of the world as you know it...

i heard that song when i went out for lunch today. actually, it may be prophetic. tomorrow could be the end of an era for me. it may be the day that officially proves that i can no longer beat my kids in running. realistically, i've known this for quite a while now, but we've never had a timed race to prove it. i'll do my best, though. i won't hold back! if i have to trip one of them on a sprint to the finish line, then by golly they're goin' down!

the ideal order of finish:
1) andrew, nathan, me
4) meb kflezighi
5) paul tergat
6) haile gebrselassie

the predicted order of finish:
1) andrew
2) nathan
10) local running club guy
24) girl who's been training alot
57) guy who trains occassionally and just decided to do this race yesterday
168) woman who recently lost 20lbs and is doing her first race
224) overweight guy who hasn't run in 10 years that was tricked into running this race by his buddies
371) 67-year old woman who had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks ago
397) me
398) 88-year old guy who finished in last place because the second-to-last-place guy pulled his walker out from under him during their sprint to the finish

oh well. we'll just see. anyway, i need to get home so i can plan a full night's worth of activities to ensure andrew and nathan don't get to bed too early!

on the road again

hello from findlay, ohio! yes, i'm on another business trip, this time at our company's headquarters. fortunately, i'll be home tomorrow. i did a little workout tonite in the hotel's fitness room, then i did some "swimming" in the pool. i said "swimming" because considering how small the pool is, i really don't consider it a workout. it's more like wading and splashing around. plus, the pool was full of kids. and speaking of the kids... there were 3 or 4 boys and probably about 8-10 girls between the ages of around 8-18. from the way they acted, i'm pretty sure they were all related somehow. here's the weird thing. all of the girls were at least 50lbs overweight - even the young ones! BUT, the boys were all rail-thin! i don't get it. do the boys go out to hunt for the food and give it to the girls, like cavemen? are they fattening up the girls so they can eat them? hmmm. anyway, i thought that was strange. there's nothing like being surrounded by a herd of fat, obnoxious girls. i can't wait until i leave tomorrow.
on to other business... wil made a good comment to my last post. i was complaining about my slow 9 mile run, she astutely pointed out that there are so many people that couldn't run 9 miles at all. that's so true. you know, sometimes when we do these runs we just take them for granted. 6 miles here, 8 miles there, etc. for me, i get to the point where i don't fully appreciate that, although i am a middle to back of the pack runner/triathlete, the fact that i am any kind of runner/triathlete means that i am still fitter than 95% of the general public. thanks, wil! sometimes i need a little slap like that...

finally, a race

i signed up for my first race of the season today. next saturday, i will be running in a local 5 mile "swamp stomp". it's run over trails, hills, and i assume... swamps. the organizers said not to bring your good shoes. take notice that i said i was running, and not racing. with my current level of fitness, racing is definitely out of the question. so, while i will be in a race, i will not actually be racing. darrin is doing this race and talked me into it. the cool thing is that my 10-year old twin boys will be joining me. although they've run with me and on their own many times, this will be their first "official" race. my first thought was that i would have to stay back and run at their pace just so i would know that they were ok. then it occurred to me that their pace is probably going to be significanty faster than mine... they have already established through our runs and the work they have done with a local youth running club, that they can toast me at the 5k distance, and although they have never done this long of a distance, i have little doubt that they will be waiting for me at the finish line as opposed to the other way around. so - that has become my goal. don't get beat by my 10 year olds. is that pathetic or what? i mean, for their age, they are very good runners, but they are 10! i should still be able to beat a 10 year old shouldn't i? oh well, at least this is a win-win situation. if i win, then i will temporarily hold onto my place as king. (oh, and i will tease them!) and if they win - well, they are my kids. and i do want them to excel. and after i am mercilessly mocked by my kids, my wife, friends, parents, whoever actually reads this, and probably even the dog, i will feel good about it. after all, i'm rooting for them already.
this past weekend didn't exactly go as planned. i thought i was going to a 12 mile run with darrin, but he ended up running with his group. i went out and did about 9 miles, though. i should mention that those were 9 s...l...o...w miles. it took me about 1:25 to cover the 9. about a 10min pace. i felt pretty good though, and the leg soreness has pretty much subsided this morning. i didn't get to bike on sunday as i had hoped, because i got busy doing father/husband/friend/volunteer/slave duties. one thing seemed to lead to another, and i just didn't get time. it was soooo nice, too. oh well. there will be other opportunities, i suppose. tonite i'll do a little 3-5 mile run to get the rest of the soreness out of my legs from saturday. i'll be sure to load the kids up on greasy burgers and ice cream this week...

it's not just a physical disability

ok, even though this is on the cnn website, i refuse to believe it's not an april fools joke. "get back in that chair, you helpless cripple!" what is the world coming to?
anyway, i've got an evil 12-miler scheduled for tomorrow, and then hopefully some biking on sunday, as mr. weatherman is calling for mid-60s and sunny. and yes, white salamander, mid-60s is WARM!